Strategies for Dealing with the Passive-Aggressive Boss

Have you ever worked for someone who was the "passive-aggressive" type?  Meaning they would aggressively change something you were working on but passively address it with you or your co-workers.  Here is an example.  Manager decides to change an employee's responsibilities but decides to tell others before telling the person involved.  Or another one.  Manager knows there is an issue but avoids it for weeks, hoping the issue will fix itself, rather than being the leader and taking care of the challenge quickly and decisively.  In a passive-aggressive type of manager the decision making is not very clear or concrete.    If you have reported to someone like this, you know how awful this can be.

I have had a few of these bosses and it was the most frustrating time I have ever had in my career.  I am seeing more and more of this in today’s corporate culture and it is disturbing.    I am wondering if any manager is being truly "trained" to be an effective leader of people.  It is strange, middle management is passive-aggressive but in the board room they yell at each other.  Go figure.  I think a bit more reading of good leadership books are in order.  My newest favorite is “The Mentor Leader”, by Tony Dungy.

In my research of this topic, I found some great articles and resources.  Here is what psychologist Neil Warner says about these types of managers.  Notes in () are my additions.

There are some characteristics of a passive aggressive manager, which in present times look like the necessary tools for survival of the meanest. These tactics sometimes get confused within the authority aura that higher ups exude, but after some time there is no more denial possible. Your own reactions are telling you to watch out and not be surprised by some backstabbing and dirty tricks.  Are you familiar or have you been in the receiving end of someone of the following “nice attitudes”?

1) The boss that takes full credit from the team’s work thus sabotaging employee advancement;  (and moral)
2) The boss keeps complete control over the project; (and changes their mind every other day about the direction of the project or the process to be followed)
3) The boss restricts necessary information for the worker to do a good job;
4) Planning for meetings with the employee and showing up later or never;
5) Overriding the worker’s authority with his team;
6) Criticizing an employee in public, making him feel worthless;
7) Exploiting an employee’s particular talent;
8 ) Withholding employee recognition and praise;
9) Playing another worker against old time employee;
10) Micro-managing decisions which are in the employee power to do.

Neil couldn’t have listed these any better.  Have you seen these?  If so, how did you react?  How did it make you feel?  Generally known as a high energy, get things done kind of person, this type of behavior in my manager, drove me to shut down.  I became very unproductive and eventually started to show my own passive-aggressive behavior which is NOT the best way to handle this type of manager.  So what is?

There is not a cookie cutter solution for every situation but here are some strategies that can help.

1. Make sure it is not you.  Yes look at yourself first to truly access the situation.  I may have lost a few of you here but really we have to do a gut check first before we can point fingers.  Be honest.  Is your boss really off their rocker or is your behavior triggering some of the reactions you are getting.  Be sure you are the hardest most ethical worker this manager has ever had.  Also be humble.  Pride causes the worst problems in any organization.  Ask a close friend and confident who will be honest with you if there is something in your behavior that needs some adjusting.  If you determine it is not you move onto #2.
2. Stay professional.  Always keep your head clear and work professionally no matter how crazy the boss gets (and they can get nutty - believe me I know).  Enough said.
3. Don’t take it personally.  Any difficult boss that continues in bad behavior for long stretches is truly worth of your sympathy more than your anger.  They are struggling and don’t know how to fix it.  Perhaps you can politely and professionally guide them, without them knowing of course.  Once you realize it is not you triggering these reactions, try to be sure to not take their attacks personally.
4. Set clear expectations.  Yes, I am asking you to “manage your boss”.  Have a meeting with your boss to be sure you know what they expect of you.  Have them state it very clearly and with deadlines.  Then be sure it get it in writing. 
5. Get it all in writing.  Any and all conversations that have discussed important details or goals be sure to send an email or write a document that reviews the conversation.  Be sure to get a response from your manager, again in writing.  You may need this later to clear up any confusion.
6. Stand up for yourself.  If you continue to let this behavior go on without defending yourself, you are just as much at fault.  I know this is a hard one.  I struggled with this.  Many times it was easier to work around that manager than to directly confront them.  Besides I never knew what they would be like that day.  The key here is to be professional, not emotional.
7. Find another manager.  This can take on various forms.  One strategy is to find another manager / VP with whom you can work more closely with and who would be willing to mentor and support you even if it is just throughout the life of a project.  This is when a “dotted line” manager can be a blessing.  Or find a new manager.  Do a transfer within the organization.  Or really find a new manager and make a leap to a new company or job.  That can seem extreme but if significant time has passed and all the strategies in the world are not making your work environment more pleasant, it is time to move on.
8. Get a hobby.  Make sure your work is not all encompassing or this crazy manager who changes their mind all the time will send you to the looney bin.  Life is not all about work.  There is so much more.  Go find the more and enjoy it!
9. Get desk toys.  Meaningless humor I know.  But really, a stress ball can be amazing in helping the mouth from spewing profanities at the next innocent co-worker who comes by your desk to ask you something.  Consider it.  I had a Zen garden.

To go deeper into strategies find a mentor that can help.  One that either knows the organization well or is completely separate from the frustration, so they can give you an objective view.  Either way, you will grow and learn something you didn’t know before this experience.  Look for the positives.

Effective Informational Interviewing

Have you ever had an "informational interview"?  If you have, then you may know what I am talking about but if you haven't, here is a brief explanation.

An informational interview is a tool to help job seekers, career transitioners, and even college students, understand a particular job or field that they are considering moving towards.  It is a brief conversation either on the phone or in person in which the person seeking the new career is "interviewing" the person currently in the role or field of study.  The goal is to learn about the perception versus reality of an area of interest.  I did this when I was first looking into coaching.  It was the best thing I could have done.  By speaking to real coaches in various areas of expertise, because I wasn't sure career coaching was what I wanted to focus on, I got a true picture of the training and experience necessary and even the lifestyle / schedule.

Before digging into how to have an effective interview there are a few key differences between a regular job interview and an informational interview I want you to understand.  The informational interview is targeted at:

1.  keeping it brief

2.  information gathering - mostly one sided

3.  the person in the job you most want to investigate

On the other hand a formal job interview is:

1. much longer

2. with multiple interviewers, both parties are interviewing each other

3.  the job seeker is the core person being interviewed by a hiring manager(s).  

The pressure is on you but with an informational interview the pressure is significantly lower but not gone.  This tactic if done well can help you decide if you want to go into this area, add connections to your network, and possibly gain you a job opportunity at that company or elsewhere.  This person may know of other opportunities for you to investigate at their competitors or partners.  So the pressure is never off.  You still must bring your "A" game.

It is a tool fantastic tool to utilize.   Many times people are willing to help in your research however they can.  But keep a few "rules" in mind to have your informational interviews be truly successful.

Some "rules" of information interviewing:

1.  Prepare, Prepare, Prepare.  Never "wing it".  Prepare as you would for anything truly important.  This shows respect to the person you are interviewing.  Know where you are meeting and how long it will take to get there, if this is in person.  If it is on the phone, have the correct number and time.  Confirm the details the day before.  If in person, again dress appropriately which means professional.  Develop your questions in advance and have them in priority order.  

Some great questions to ask in an informational interview:

• How did you get into this field?
• What are your core roles and responsibilities?
• What is the favorite part of your job?
• What do you most dislike?
• Here is my interest and background (keep it brief) how might you suggest I break into the field?
• What training or education is required?
• What associations do you belong to?
• What publications do you read to keep up with your field?

Finally be prepared to keep to the allotted time.  If the plan is 20 minutes, based on your conversation when you booked the interview, keep to it.  Again this shows respect for the person's time.  If this is a positive experience for the person being interviewed they will mostly likely offer up their time again to others.

2.  Research, Research, Research.   Research not only the company that this person is employed by but even more importantly, the person.  Find out all there is to know about the person you are going to talk to.  Their background, time at the company, length of time in the field, and any common area of interest.  This common area of interest will help you truly connect with them.  That is the key.  Make a connection and you will have an alley, encourager, and possibly colleague in the future.  Some of the coaches I did informational interviews with years ago are now my colleagues and I love that!

Research them on Google, LinkedIn, ZoomInfo.  Work to understand as much as you can about that person.  Just like preparation and research pays off in a formal interview, so it will, in an informational interview when the pressure is not nearly as high.

3.  Follow up, Follow up, Follow up.  Be professional and thankful for the time this person spent with you.  Follow up with a values based thank you email, within 24 hours of your meeting.  Also send a handwritten thank you card.  That too needs to be in the mail within 24 hours.  Yes, this is "old fashioned" but tells the person that you appreciated their time enough to actually write a "real" note.  Trust me.  It makes an impression of your character, whether you do or don't send thank you notes and emails.  I make this same recommendation for a formal job interview.  I mean let's be practical.  The email gets there quicker and is easier to type up.  The handwritten truly shows your appreciation.  Send both!

Be sure to follow up on recommendations or connections this person makes for you.  Let them know what came of their connections and suggestions and exactly how it helped.  This again shows good character and also keeps you in their mind for future news and opportunities they may hear about.

I strongly suggest the informational interview to see what is perception versus reality in a field you are interested in.  If you need help working through getting one lined up or preparation for, let me know.  I can help.

How to Begin a Job Transition

Do you have a vision for your future life?  It may be just getting the next job to sustain yourself for the coming year or two.  Or you may be ready to really envision life moving forward for the long term.  Whichever it is, the same steps prevail to your goal.  You are ready for a change.  A new job, a new career, a new life.  “I am ready to start over and really find what I am meant to do.”  Transitioning into a new career can be a great adventure.  One that is exciting and filled with new insights and learnings.  I choose to think of it as an inspiring blessed time of discovery.

To begin the adventure of discovery, you have to be ready.  You will know you are ready when you are excited about the possibilities that you have before you.  Perhaps you are like myself.  I had a laundry list of careers I wanted to “try” and had no idea which would be a good fit for me.  Or perhaps you are like a friend of mine who knew, instinctively, what she was are meant to do next after a job loss.  One thing is for sure you have to be ready to take the next step.  Without it, you will have a difficult time tackling the tactical side of moving into a new line of work.  Discovering what you want to do is the first step.  Next is the hands on work to get you to your career goal.

After the readiness check-in with yourself, comes the discovery.  All job searches have to have a target / a goal.  Do I want to work as an Account Rep in the health care industry or financial services industry?  Or do I want to work part-time at the art museum?  Or do I want to work as an independent consultant?  The list could go on and on.  The least effective job search has no target to shoot for.  The job seekers that will “take anything in any industry” will not be successful.  I have seen too many job seekers just putting out their resume to all kinds of job boards, company websites, agencies, and and personal contacts without any rhyme or reason behind it.  No one will hire you without knowing what you want.  If you don’t know what you want how can anyone else.  

How do you discover what you want to do next?  You say, “Lisa, I really want to do something with meaning, that has flexibility, that is no longer doing....” whatever.  “How do I figure this out?”  Great question.  First I it will take some uninterrupted time to remember what it is that you enjoy, are passionate about, or have always wanted to do.   To help get the thoughts going I have listed some questions for you to ask yourself.  Go get a coffee or a glass of water, a comfy seat, and something to write with.  Write out your initial answers to the below.  Get started even if it is brief or a bulleted list.  Writing it down is key. 

Which of my skills do I enjoy using?  Which of my skills do I least enjoy using?  What industries interest me?  What hobbies do I have that I enjoy?  What type of people do I enjoy working with?  What legacy do I want to leave behind?  What values must be present in my work for me to be successful?  What impact do I want to make?  Who are my role models and why?  How do I learn best?  What kind of environment do I thrive in?  Do I prefer work to make decisions that are based on logic or how they will effect people?

From this list, go back and continue to look at at various times.  See what other thoughts or ideas come to mind.  Once you get started you will be surprised that more ideas will come to mind.  There is more to this discovery and defining your target but the above questions, answered honestly, will get you heading in the right direction.  

Once a target has been determined, the next step is to develop a job search strategy.  Determine, from all the various job search tactics out there, which you feel comfortable using.  To get you thinking about the available tactics, here is a list to get you started with a brief description of each.

Networking Face to Face:   In person meetings with other professionals to introduce yourself and discover contacts that can help you in your job search.  There are many local networking meetings at libraries, job seekers groups, or business workshops which will get you connected.  This tactic is essential to any job search.   

Networking Online:  There are many online sites that allow you to manage your contacts and reconnect with co-workers, friends, and find future hiring managers.  The best known are LinkedIn and JibberJobber.

Niche Job Boards:  These are online job boards that are specific to an industry or type of work.  Targeting with in your area of industry is a time-saver and will give you and idea of what is happening currently in the industry, who is hiring and who is not.

Company websites and blogs:  More and more companies are posting their open positions directly on their websites and are not paying the job boards to do this for them.  Many companies will also provide descriptions of their culture and programs they provide to employees.  These are helpful tools in your research for opportunities as well as networking and preparing for interviews.

Job Aggregation Sites:  These sites search company career sections as well as the major job boards and consolidate them onto one site.  Indeed in one such site.  This can be a real time saver.  You can see the company’s name on the posting or the site from which the aggregator found the job posting.  Many of them have job alert emails that you can sign up for.

Online Professional Communities:  Think of these as the associations and organizations you belong to but online.  Again going as industry specific as you can is the best way to go.

Recruiters:  Recruiters are hired by companies as consultants to find qualified candidates for certain positions.  Many times the recruiters know of job openings at certain firms before any are posted.

Career Fairs - Online or in-person events that allow you to meet / talk to / interview with a live corporate recruiter.

This is not a complete list but it gives you an idea of the options that are out there in 2011.  Each tactic has pros and cons depending on the needs of your job search.  Look through this list and decide which strategies you would like to use and in what order?  As I mentioned earlier do not fall into the trap of only posting your resume online.  You must use several tactics to be truly successful.  I will tell you that good old fashioned networking is still the leading tactic to finding a job - online and offline.  Nothing works better than having direct contact, outside of an interview, with the hiring manager.  This can only be done through networking.

After determining the strategies you wish to use and the phase in which you will execute them, it really is just getting to work.  Work on your plan and you will hit the bulls eye.   

If you continue to feel overwhelmed, seek out professional advice.  There are several organizations such as local job clubs, networking groups, and associations that offer workshops and services to job seekers.  If you prefer a more personal approach, seek out a career management coach.  Do not hesitate to “interview” a few to see with whom you feel most comfortable.  Most coaches offer an initial phone consultation for free.  

“The journey of a million miles begins with one step.”

I wish you much success in your journey.  Continue on your plan and you will succeed and find work that you love and that fits into your life.

Why Is LinkedIn A Must Use Tool

As professionals or business owners, connections are key to our success.  Keeping up with our connections, both business and personal, are so important and I think even more difficult to do in 2011.  There are so many online opportunities to connect that it is overwhelming.  In addition to that, the question may be do we really get enough face time with our connections to make these relationships deeper?  In all honesty we all need both, online and offline connections to make a difference in our businesses or job searches.   For today, let’s focus on the online tools.  We can discuss offline at other time.  

When it comes to the online world you need to be picky about which tools you spend your time on.  Be as picky as what your weekend plans will be.  Choose a tool that will give you the biggest bang for the time.  Social media tools can be total time sucks, if we allow them to be.  In many ways we reconnect, and can now stay connected, with individuals that we would have never connected with 20 or even 10 years ago.  These online tools connect us with other professionals who can promote our companies and consumers who can buy our products or services.

I am very picky about where I spend my time online and off.  I have two school aged children and a husband with a very intense work schedule.  I am a business owner that loves what I do and could do it all the time.  I love my community and could volunteer in many areas.  I am blessed with many options but with those options comes decisions.  Where do I spend my time?

In my humble opinion for online connection tools, LinkedIn is near the top.  It is a place to find and be found.  I tell all my clients that if they are not on LinkedIn, they have to be and now.  I work with young to mid-level professionals who are in a career transition or tactical job search.  Even if they still have no idea of their job target I tell them to get on it and begin a profile today.  I work with them to fine tune that profile.  I give the same advice to fellow business owners or really anyone who provides a product or service.  There really are few audiences that I think LinkedIn could not help.

So what does it take to get a good profile up on LinkedIn and searchable.  The key is searchable and content rich.  More and more individuals and recruiters are searching LinkedIn for future employees, providers, and partners.  As job postings shrink more corporate recruiters are scouring LinkedIn for the right people.  There are a million, or it seems like that many, of articles telling you what mistakes to avoid etc.  I agree with much of it.  But let’s focus on getting started and the most important pieces to begin with.

1. Your Profile.  Complete it.  Be sure to look at it from the perspective of “How am I presenting myself to others?”  Always keep in mind the value proposition you bring.  Ensure the readers know who you are and what you are all about professionally.

2.  Professional Headline.  Know what it is and use it to your advantage.  The professional headline is the field below your name.  This field is longer than you think.  Most individuals enter a simple job title but this, many times, is not descriptive enough.  This field is shown whenever another user mouses over your photo.  Your name and professional headline show in a popup.  In some parts of LinkedIn, the popup has your name, professional headline, geographic area, and current job title.  

3.  Website Link.  Change the “My Website / My Company” links to be specific.  You can edit these fields within your profile.  When you edit, use the option of “other” then enter the text you want to display on your profile.  I suggest entering the name of your company and have it link to the part of the website you want people to go to.  I have my link going to the home page of my website.  It is the best place for people to start and to discover more about my business and what I specialize in.

4. Make Your Profile Public.  In the privacy settings, be sure to set your profile to public.  It makes it much easier for people to find you and utilize your services or reach out to you for a job opportunity.   The more you allow people to view your profile the more likely you will be contacted.  Also be sure to change the default URL of your profile to your name.  This is a great tool when you add a link to your profile on marketing documents.

5.  Status Updates and Tweets.  Once you are up and going on LinkedIn be sure to utilize the status updates.  Promote your business, articles you have written, an event you are attending or presenting at, etc.  If you are not posting status updates somewhat regularly you will be viewed as an inactive LinkedIn member.  Not good.  But on the other hand, posting all your Tweets or doing daily updates is over-kill.  The rule of thumb  here is, keep it professional and balanced.

6.  Recommendations.  Do not be afraid to ask for and give recommendations.  They build your credibility.  An easy way of breaking into this area is to be generous yourself.  Give a few authentic recommendations for your colleagues.  Many times the favor is quickly and easily returned.

There you have it, six quick ways to get yourself up and utilizing LinkedIn as a business building or job attraction tool.  Make it a regular practice to get on LinkedIn as least once a week for an hour.  Stay active and continue to build your network.  You will be glad you put in the time.